Okay this is actually one of the first posts I'm making with some actual importance. So uh... yeah. It's gonna be a bit long.
Okay so it's about... 4-ish(?) and Erin shows up at my house saying that he's taking me to a Tarot class with my sister Jennifer. It's an old family friend named Joey, who's teaching us and he thought I'd like to go. He was a dear and even paid for us. Though he was a bit cross because he had to listen to me sing Enya in the car. (Poor Erin!)
In any case we just went through everything and it was a bit of a review for me, as I knew most of it intuitively and the rest from being taught via listening to my mom talk to my sisters and the like. Erin's like a kick-ass veteran though and knew everything, he kept interrupting Joey and it was kinda funny. He was even going to tell him how to better ground himself so that he wouldn't get panick attacks, but luckily I managed to drag him out of the store.
Well Joey did a few quick readings on the group as a whole, and I kinda wanted to show off by having him do a reading on me but I was all: nahh. But on the first reading he did (an oracle reading for those of you that know what I'm talking about) and he had an animal deck that kind of reminded me of Medicine Cards. I picked up that the first one would be a bird (I saw it when he first picked up the deck and then continuously as he was shuffling it) and another person knew the second one was a squirrel. But yes... it was cool. I realize exactly how much crystals called out to me and spent a good ten minutes in the store touching crystals and apologizing for not listening and just trying to glean things off them. All that happened was me getting really giddy, but today was a good day so I was already in a good mood.
In any case our "homework" was to spot all the signs we could for two weeks until our next meeting. Well obviously, me being me, I get in the car when it was done (at about 8-ish but the time flew so I didn't even notice.) and we're listening to Enya and she sings "Lighthouse falling down" and I see a sign of a Lighthouse (<--don't know if that means anything to you guys but w/e.) so I wrote it in my little journal thingy. Then I get home and I'm playing with my stones and I get reminded of a site that I have memorized but for some reason never went to. ( http://whitegoddess.co.uk/index.asp
) and I wrote that down, because I recognized it as a sign as well.
I have yet to talk to Erin to see if he's seen anything, but I doubt it, he didn't freak out at the Lighthouse thing in the car or anything of that sort so... but anyway... *coughs* I get home and start messing with the runes and get a big thing on what's going on Runes practically jumping out of my hands. I get a few things on inner journeys to seek clarity and the like and having courage to face the things I need to do, and the like. Then I get this feeling to do a Tarot reading on what's going on for me right now, and I got a reading on the situation with Erin that everyone (Including me) blew WAY
out of proportion. It was a directional reading but with an outcome... so let me explain the basics of this to you.
You draw six cards one after the other, one placed in each direction (north, south, east, and west), one in the middle (Representing Self), and one on the top right-hand corner (the outcome.) and this is what each card is representing.
North: Wisdom and Purification
East: Vision and Illumination
South: Trust and Teaching
West: Transformation and Rebirth
Self: You as you are with all of these choices and prospects surrounding you
Outcome: what happens if you do what the cards tell you.
This is what I got and their meanings:North- The Hanged Man (Reversed):
You are preoccupied with an internal battle Inability to make sense of problems due to a lack of insight. Pressure from society and others is overwhelming Do not rely on logical solutions- the best solution may be unorthodox. Your effort may be wasted on a project. May represent a favorable legal desicion.East- Ten Of Swords (Reversed):
You are not facing problems. They won't go away on their own. You will need courage to overcome them. A long period of trouble and suffering ends with courage and hard work. Stagnation. You are in an intellecutal rut. Open yourself to new ideas. Look for ways to stretch your imagination. The answer to your problems is inside you. South- Four of Wands (Reversed):
Wishing won't make it so. You won't be able to overcome the constraints of reality. Deal with situations as they are, not as you want them to be. Boredom. Entering a monotonous period in life with few opprotunites for escape. Projects or work do not produce the financial gain that was expected. Financial setback and disappointment.West- Six of Swords (Reversed):
You are able to rise to the occasion when necessary. You thrive under adversity. Trouble is invigorating and you are bored when life is too easy. Challenges are really just opprotunities. Quick responses and fast thinking. Action is needed.Self- Two of Swords:
No major changes and few events. Your heart is closed off to avoid the possibility of pain. Emotional barriers protect you from love. You are basically in denial. Inability to accept the reality of your problems keeps the situations from changing. Take action and compromise to resolve issues.Outcome- Ace of Swords:
An excellent time for work and intellectual projects- a breakthrough is possible. Your life's mission or career direction will become clear. The ability to perservere will be crucial during this period. Decisions should be guided by what is juse, true and honorable. Think of problems as opprotunities for change.
All of this is telling me to do what I wanted to do as soon as I touched the cards. Forgive the person that really upset me and just move on. As soon as I realized this BoA's "Lights of Soeul" came on, which is basically a light cheerful song that let me know I was right in doing this. So let me start.
Yesterday I was really upset because I had to deal with Alice being pregnant AND my seven year old little brother, so when Erin made an endearing comment someone took it as though they were a little too close to someone they cared about and got upset. Erin explained and brushed it off as usual but then that only got people even more upset. I then blew it way out of proportion because I'm tired of people yelling at Erin for 1.) Being Gay. 2.) The way he RPs (because he's the one that taught me about 6 or 7 years ago so I take it offensively too.) and 3.) avoiding things that he doesn't need or doesn't want to go through.
So all the stress and everything made me crack under all the pressure and strain I've been put under lately, I even went so far as to snap at someone in a PM on Gaia (REALLY SORRY BY THE WAY! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!) And I wanted to apologize for everything as it really just was the last bit of pressure to make me crack and I didn't mean to pour my frustrations out at everyone. Though, I would appreciate it if the person that I was arguing with about Erin in IM, were to be a bit nicer to Erin as he doesn't really know them and therefore might upset them unintentionally a lot.
Once again, really sorry.